Butterflies and Boundaries
The Joys and Pain of Transformation
“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” — Chuang Tzu
Except its not quite that simple.
In order for a butterfly to be born it must rip through what was once its own skin.
Let me explain. First off: we’re talking butterflies, not moths, If you don’t understand the difference: in the same way that all bourbons are whiskeys but not all whiskeys are bourbons, all butterflies are moths but not all moths are butterflies.
A principle difference (generally speaking) is cocoons vs. chrysalises.
While they serve the same purpose (transmutation) a moth spins a warm, cozy silk cocoon for its pupa stage. Caterpillars? Over the course of its larvae stage, a caterpillar will molt multiple times. The final molt before it becomes a butterfly?
That’s the chrysalis it grew underneath its skin.
Also growing inside itself as a caterpillar: imaginal discs, the essential building blocks for things like wings, antennae, etc. A caterpillar isn’t just a funky worm with aspirations of flight; its carrying within itself the blueprints to be something different, and creating that difference inside itself. A caterpillar truly only has two jobs:
1a: consume as much protein as possible to create the raw materials for who you will become inside yourself,
1b. make sure you consume enough not just for the raw materials but the energy the process will require, as pupa don’t eat, and
2. Survive.
What you consume as a caterpillar will be different than what you eat as a butterfly. Larvae would starve on the diet of sweet nectar that sustains the butterfly. After gorging itself through (roughly) five separate molts, a caterpillar molts a final time, creating a barrier around itself. Its final skin is a sealed oven which will cook the nutrient soup it becomes, as it digests every part of what it was, except for the imaginal discs.
Inside every caterpillar a butterfly is waiting to be born. Humans aren’t quite that simple.
Caterpillars act purely on instinct. Human change requires sustained intent. Like caterpillars, what we consume intellectually and emotionally forms the nutrient soup of who we might become. Unlike caterpillars, we are rarely afforded the luxury of safety in isolation, so necessary for growth. And while many of us carry the blueprints for who we might become inside ourselves:
Too many are willing to sacrifice who they might become for fear of losing who they are.
If it seems like a lot of your friends right now are erecting boundaries for themselves they didn’t have in place before, show some respect. That’s their version of taking everything they’ve invested in themselves, and creating a barrier between themselves and any distractions that might keep them from focusing on their own growth.
Like the butterfly, they’ve built a sanctuary inside themselves, a skin which hardens into protection.
Which brings us full circle. For a butterfly to be born it must burst through what was once its own skin. It leaves its life of crawling on the ground and takes flight, grateful for the protection provided the chrysalis, yet happy leave its old life behind.
That’s why holometabolism is a universal blueprint for change.
Some of y’all are just eggs. Some of y’all still out here tryin’a argue with larvae. Some of y’all are in your cocoons or your chrysalises, eating snacks made from what you’ve chosen to consume, reconstructing yourselves into something new, while protecting your peace, and building the strength you’ll need to burst out of your shell.
Messy, but not in front of company. And I love that for you.
Some of y’all are wondering why people you thought you knew are looking kinda unfamiliar right now. But here’s the thing: butterflies remember being caterpillars. To a caterpillar, a butterfly is entirely alien. So while I empathize with the reluctance in not wanting to leave folx behind while they experience their own evolution at their own pace:
There’s a reason you can’t talk butterfly shit with caterpillar people.
